


Sacrifice

by MrsMacLeod, queenofbloodandashes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, F/F, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 18:03:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13980522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMacLeod/pseuds/MrsMacLeod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofbloodandashes/pseuds/queenofbloodandashes
Summary: How far are we ready to go protect those we love?Is there a line you wouldn't be able to cross, not even for those you love the most? What would happen if you did cross that line?





	Sacrifice

When you found Rowena in that room after Lucifer left, you knew that those pictures would haunt you for the rest of your life; the blood, the smell and Rowena... She was alive and that was good, but everything else was terrible; she was in unimaginable pain, her whole body was cover in deep burns and your communication with her was limited as she could not see, speak or hear and you were too afraid to touch her knowing that would only bring her more pain. All you could do is stay by her side and minimize her pain.

Her body was recovering slowly and painful, but you could see the progress unlike with her mind. What Lucifer did to her left enormous impact on her; she was scared and felt vulnerable all the time and it tore your heart apart to see her like that. You felt like you failed her because you weren't there with her. She never blamed you; she said more than once that she, in fact, was glad you weren't there because at least she didn't have to watch you die. You agreed with last part, you knew that there was nothing you could have done to stop Lucifer. Still, that didn't help you feel any less guilty; you promised yourself that you would never again let her down like that. In order to keep that promise, you first needed to become stronger, therefore, you completely forgot about you comfort zone and started doing things you wouldn't dare to dream of before.

You could never stand up for yourself, not even against humans, but for Rowena you could kill, steal, and even face demons and monsters. And you did.

You were never much of fighter, but you were a witch and, thanks to Rowena, you had access to many books that contained powerful spells, one of them being Book of the Damned. Soon you realized that you couldn't afford a full time "hunter job" because you wanted to spend as much time as possible with Rowena, so after few "hunts" on monsters that only left you in pain, you started summoning demons and interrogating them; at first you would kill them once you were finished with them, but after you gained some confidence, you would leave them with a choice between death and serving you. You assembled the small group of those who choose the latter and gave them instructions to find you various objects, but most importantly, an Archangel Blade and a Hand of God. And while they were successful in smaller tasks, they had trouble finding anything really useful.

As there was no progress, you realized that you need to find an alternative, so you started a research, hoping you will find another way to kill Lucifer. You even considered making a deal with a crossroad demon, but you knew very well that demons couldn't help you when it comes to Lucifer. Months after you first started research you found out another way your soul could be useful; you learned about Lily Sunder, a former professor of apocalyptic lore who managed to perform Enochian magic by sacrificing a piece of her soul with every use of spell. Ever since, you focused on learning Enochian language and sigils because you knew that were one of very few Lucifer's weaknesses. You spent months collecting and reading every book that covered the matter, hoping that you wouldn't need to, but being ready to use that knowledge. Of course you didn't want to lose your soul or even part of it, but that was the price you were more than willing to pay if it meant keeping Rowena safe.

You didn't tell her about your latest studies - the last thing you wanted was her having to worry about you, Rowena only knew that you were exploring various sources in order to find alternative way to kill an archangel. You felt bad for keeping things from her, but you know that it was in her best interests. Once she gained her full powers back, Rowena was doing better; she was far from good, but she was better; she had more confidence and was less scared than before and that was a great improvement. You didn’t want to ruin that improvement.

Just when you dared to think that maybe, just maybe, you could relax a little bit, your phone rang. It was one of your "insider demons". He informed you that Lucifer was back, apparently he had been in this universe for a while, trapped by new ruler of Hell, but he escaped. Blood in your veins has frozen. Of course you couldn't relax, not until Lucifer is dead - what were you thinking anyway? You wanted to yell at a demon for not finding out sooner, but knew you had no time for that, the most important thing was keeping Rowena safe.

You could feel your heart rate speeding up as you ran through house, looking for Rowena; to your relief she was in her bed, alive and unharmed, reading a book; you knew this was not going to be an easy conversation, but it was a necessary one.

"Rowena... I need to say you something. I don't know how..." your breaking voice gave you away; she could see how scared you were.

"He is here, isn't he??" she put down the book and tried to remain calm, which was a task destined to fail; of course she couldn't remain calm, not after everything he did to her.

"Yes. He is in this universe." you admitted. "But he doesn't know that you are alive and we can use that as our..."

"No! There is nothing we can do, there is no stopping him! We can't..." her voice cracked and she couldn't hold her tears any longer; she stood up and started to walk in circles, she tried to say something, but she couldn't because she was crying. Seeing her like that was breaking your heart.

You hugged her, hoping that would offer her comfort for at least one moment. "There is something that I can do." now you were crying as well. "But I need you to trust me."

"I do trust you! But, there is nothing you can do. He'll kill you! We talked about it, you know how it ends..." desperation in her voice only made you more confident about your plan. You couldn’t bear to watch her like this, not when you had a solution, as flawed as it is, it still was the only solution you could think of.

"I can make sure he can't find you! There is a spell..."

"Which spell? Don't you think I would know if there was a spell that could help me?" she interrupted you.

"This is different. I need you to trust me." you placed your hand on her chest, waiting for a sign of consent. She nodded and you used Enochian magic to crave sigils for concealment from angels in her ribs. She showed a slight discomfort, but before either of you could react to that you were down on floor, on your knees, screaming. You felt the worst pain in your entire life; you felt the fire burning inside of you, leaving a hole in your soul. _Does it feel like this every time?_ You had a feeling that the pain will never stop; even when it did, you were far from feeling good.

Rowena hugged you, set on floor next to you, allowing you to completely lean on her; you could sense how scared and angry she was, but instead of yelling, she whispered: "What have you done?"

"I did what I had to do in order to protect you."

"You used the Enochian magic... Don't even try do deny it. Why would you do that to yourself." the tone of her voice was hurting more than pain inflicted to yourself. "You sacrificed your soul because of me?? I am not worth it! I am just a wrack..."

"To me, you are worth it; to me you are the most important person in world; I love you more than anything. And I would rather live without soul than without you!"

“Don’t say that!” guilt sneaked into her voice. "There was no reason to do it now! I have my full powers; he can't hurt me like before! I should be the one protecting you!"

“That doesn’t mean that you are ready to face him!” you were afraid that you sounded too harsh "What I am trying to say is... If, or more accurately, when it comes down to facing Lucifer, you won't be alone; I will be by you side like I should have been and I will do whatever I can to protect you! Together we can stop him for good.”

“No, not at the cost of your soul! Promise me that you won't use Enochian magic, please!" Rowena demanded.

"I can't lie to you. But I promise you that it will use it as a last resort"

She wiped her tears and tried to sound as calm as possible “Then, we’ll make sure it doesn’t comes to that.” She kissed you. “I love you, you silly girl! And I have no intentions loosing you!”

“I love you too and, don’t worry; you won’t get rid of me that easily!” you both giggled at that. You spend the rest of evening with Rowena, watching movies, brushing each other's hair, eating your favourite snacks... The conversation could wait, Lucifer could wait, the rest of the world could wait... All that mattered at that moment was that Rowena and you were happy.


End file.
